Fugate - Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Effects of Matriarchy on Boys

In Chapter 4, Fugate expands on the effects of boys being raised by women. The crux of his thinking is that boys without strong biblical male influences tend to gravitate towards two extremes on the masculinity scale - specifically “macho” and “effeminate”.

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Boys with naturally strong masculine egos tend to become little macho maniacs. In many cases this behavior develops from a resentment or anger of women in general throughout the years spent in a matriarchal “prison”. They generally tended to be the boys that were loud, rowdy, and/or clumsy. When boys hit the 10-13 year old range, the hormones flowing through their bodies cause them to act even more macho- “like a boss over all women.” This is natural and it is God preparing then to be the leaders, providers, and protectors for their eventual wives and families.

Now that they have the urge to step into the role that God is preparing them for, the role of the father becomes critical. He must redirect the boy's natural aggression into activities that reinforce what God intends for the boy to become in manhood – the provider, protector, and leader of his family. Fugate suggests that strongly masculine boy's aggression be shaped by a father into self-discipline through strenuous work (chopping wood, painting the house, or digging mom a flower/vegetable garden- something worthy of a man-in-training). Athletic activity can also channel excess aggression away from the normal feminine influences in his life. Fugate is adamant that these activities should be supervised and directed by fathers specifically – not mothers or other female caregivers. The father must be responsible for correcting unacceptable macho behavior quickly and efficiently.

A huge danger for macho boys is to see or perceive his father “cowering” before the aggressive, noncompliant attitude of his mother. The boy knows that this should not be the natural order of things. Fugate believes that in an adolescent boy, this will translate into further aggressiveness towards females for their humiliation of males and a deep resentment of those females that he will encounter in later life. The untrained boy becomes the undeveloped man, who knows neither his role in a family, nor the balance in his own life necessary for biblical manhood. These undeveloped overly macho men can become almost violent when a wife (or other female) questions them -about anything.

The alternate side of the spectrum are the boys that react to the matriarchy by becoming emasculated or effeminate. “These are the compliant little boys who always try to please their mothers and other female caregivers. They are generally nice and socialize well with girls and other similarly disposed boys... Mothers and teachers love this kind of boy because he is no trouble, is helpful around the house, generally does well in academics, and doesn't even get dirty very often... [A female] easily manipulates these boys by withholding approval, telling them they have disappointed her, or telling him that she is so ashamed of him.”

This is where a father must step in to provide the role model necessary for the boy to transition into the role that God has prepared for him. This requires a LOT of time and a variety of circumstances with the father. Trips to the auto parts store, to the hardware store, etc. - everywhere that provides an example of how a biblical man deals with life, other men, and women. Fugate mentions that, “some monitoring of the mother/son relationship may also be needed if the mother has been overly protective or controlling.”

The Cat's Comments:

My gut reaction is that Fugate draws some very broad strokes in his generalizations. However, I do see the shards of truth embedded throughout this chapter.

After writing the previous sentence, I just sat for a few minutes thinking about where I have fallen on Fugate's spectrum through different times in my life. I think about my Dad and where he falls. I think about David and where I perceive him to be. Since I know there are a few people who read this that I love, I have decided not to be totally blunt over events that are long past or that would cause pain to those I love. (Yes I know – where's my journalistic disregard for the feelings of others.)

But since I have been serving as one of the leaders in the RA's at our church for the past few months, I will comment about what I see among the boys in our group. For those who don't know about RA's, Wed night at about 6:30 is when we convene. About 12 boys come in and we generally have a game or activity that allows them to burn off some energy in a competitive environment where teamwork is usually required, but not necessarily an activity where the more athletic boys have any advantage. The lesson is broken into one for older boys and one for younger boys. It generally involves reading about 2-3 pages out of a workbook and doing a quick reinforcing activity over what has been read. They are then brought back into the main group to reinforce the high points of the lesson, followed by prayer and dismissal around 7:30.

Since joining the leadership, I have experienced a range of emotions as I have dealt with each boy's particular idiosyncrasies. First was shock that few of the boys can read at anywhere near grade level. Second was anger at the disrespect shown to myself and the other leaders. My natural reaction if these boys were mine would have been immediate spankings for the disrespect shown to myself and the other adults.

However, a turning point occurred when I decided that since most of the boys were not used to strong leadership at home or especially at church, I was going to be the strong leader/male influence that the boys are missing. Mostly, it involved “intimidation” of several of the ringleaders. A 230 pound former Marine 3 inches from your nose, boring straight into your eyes, and speaking in a low deadpan tone about what he finds unacceptable about your behavior (with a few twitching snarls thrown in) is enough to grab most boys' attention. It seems to have worked. Now I can generally speak a command, and the boys respond to it with little if any back-talk. Praise and encouragement is never far behind for a job well done. When they end up getting a little rowdy during the wrap-up and prayer, I announce that if they wanted to act like little girls instead of men, then I was going to hold their hands just like I would hold a little girls hand. I do follow through with the threat, and when I do, the nonsense seems to stop immediately. As near as I can figure, we've lost 1 boy on account of it. But the rest seem to be responding well. I haven't felt the need to get into anyone's face in nearly two months.

So in view of Fugate, what is happening? I think that about 1/3 of the boys tend towards the macho end of the scale - Loud, rowdy, trying to prove they are the “King of the Mountain”. This crew definitely needs some strong male presence in their lives, willing to channel and redirect their young energies to appropriate man-in-training activities. The strong, in your face, I am the King of the Mountain tactic works well to get and hold their attention.

1/4 are on the effeminate end. Some of these are younger kids that still haven't cut away from mama. If they can find a skirt to hide behind they will. But one in particular, wants to rough-house, and could hold his own if he had the courage to stay in the fray. But the other boys have sensed that he doesn't like to get hurt and so most of their effort is spent provoking him because he doesn't know how to handle himself socially yet. They think it is fun to get a rise out of him. In a female centered environment, he could count on having someone step in for him. But with no females in RA's, he is being forced to fend for himself for at least 20 minutes a week.

So far, my efforts with him have been to pull him aside when he's gotten himself pretty deep in it with the other boys and let him know why they are picking on him and what he can do to stop it. I can tell that its going to be a long uphill battle for this kid. Interestingly, this boy's dad does a lot of traveling. His mom is a woman with a strong personality and a tendency to either dote on him or browbeat him. He is home schooled so he spends a ton of time with her and a much older sister.

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